He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
