The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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