I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
