Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I checked into jail on foursquare
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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