AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You ate ashes out of my bong
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
