my sisters under your porch take her home
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
