Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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