please come you make the beer taste better
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
