I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
