my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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