I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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