I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
