you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
