RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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