literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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