I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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