I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
