i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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