she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
