Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
