Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
