I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
