I could make wine with my vomit
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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