Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
