I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
