I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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