why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
