do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
