Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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