I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize