It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
