Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize