HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You can't motorboat a personality
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
