so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
