So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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