Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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