i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
