You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i came on her dog
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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