You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize