I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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