Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
