I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
