I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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