my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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