420 ftw
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
