This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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