I would go down on you faster than GM stock
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
