Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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