we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
