you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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