I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
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