woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
