week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
