I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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