Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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