last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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