I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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