I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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