i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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