I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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