If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
