had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
