Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
