Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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