I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
