im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
