do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
not ubering you a puppy
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
