some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
