Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
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Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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