I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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