Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
