Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
