I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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