Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
