nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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