every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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