Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
