dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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