planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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