I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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