So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize