i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
